How do we escape Death?

Now I know it’s true that when you’re dealing with something like a loved one fighting for her dear life, nothing else is more significant. It has been months since Ate Riza’s battle against cancer started. Her body is barely responding to medications. If anything, they are just making her more weak. It could be one of the effects of the first two of six chemotherapy sessions scheduled for her but I really don’t know. All I know is ever since the doctors took her ovaries a few months ago, she’d spent more time in the hospital more than I spent time at home over the past weeks.

The truth is, I am hurt too. I know I’m not in the position to ask god but I do wonder sometimes why such misfortune is happening to her. When she was young, he took her parents away. Then he took her brother earlier this year, among other unpleasant things she had to go through in between those deaths. Her heart has been battered over the years but only came out stronger. She has every right to get mad at the universe but she just became this person who has a lot of love to give to others. In most of my darker days at work, she was my ray of sunshine. And now he wants to take her away from us too.

It’s getting frustrating each day. Last night, a hemorrhage and blood clot sent her into a coma. This was days after doctors saw a swelling in her brain, giving her pain that made her restless and suppressed her consciousness. Everything was happening so fast. I want her to get up from the hospital bed and see her in this black, lacy dress and red stilettos that she wears at work. I want to see her smile the way she did when I gave her a pad of sticky notes with cat drawings in it. I want to wake up one morning receiving a ‘good morning’ text from her, ask her where she’ll work for the day, then would meet her later in the afternoon to grab some beer after dinner. I want to talk to her about farming, listen to her spill all the dimensions of her Japanese obsessions, see her snap her signature peace sign pose on selfie-takings.

Unfortunately, the only thing I can do now is imagine she would get better. I should be asking how can someone be prepared for death. Instead, I’m asking how we can escape it. Hope can appear into many forms and I guess there’s nothing wrong to cling on to even the vaguest ones. It’s like an old rope losing its strenght but you stil hold onto it because you just can’t let go of things so easily. There’s no way you would let go of things easily. There’s no way I would let go of Ate Riza so easily.

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