How not to fall in love with a friend

So they say the best way to ruin a friendship is dwell on the thought you could be lovers and fall in love with him. It’s a suicide, I know. But is there a way to stop your heart from beating aside from killing yourself?

I’ve known him for years. I still remember vividly how I fell for him for the first time. It was three years ago—he had too many issues, I had too many issues, and at some point, we needed each other to vent. Listening to him became a habit. Ranting to him became a routine.

When I was just starting to know him better, I couldn’t decide if I want to fall for him a little more seriously or stay as his friend. I knew the risks. If I let illusions overwhelm me, I’d scare both of us. He wanted too many things. He had simple but big demands in life. Everyone wants a piece of him. He wants to give a piece of himself to everyone too. There was something missing in his universe and I couldn’t fill it in. So one day, I decided I’ll just try to become a better friend to him. It was what he needed anyway, above all else.

Being a friend to him was easy. He is both predictable and complex. Luckily, I know how to deal with it. Listening to him wasn’t so hard either. He is crazy. I am crazy. I get him and for some reason, he knew that I will. Even before he speaks, I’ve already anticipated the words that will come out of his mouth. I just knew.
Eventually, I realized that it’s so much better this way. We text, talk, eat dinner, drink coffee and that’s because we’re friends, nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes, we go out. Most of the times, it’s because somebody pinched his fragile heart and he needed someone to mock him. He needs a real friend and that may have always been me. I’ve never seen him look at me other than that anyway.

It’s not like I go crazy for him. I know for a fact that he is the last person who could and would break my heart. He’s just really that nice. It’s not so hard to fall in love with him either. I know that if a parallel universe does exist, I would dig him badly. He doesn’t have everything that I want for a guy but he’s the type of person you take seriously, introduce to your parents, and marry. Adjusting to his imperfections wouldn’t be hard at all. I happen to know how to track his mood swings and how to detect when he’s being a girl.

But then again, we are friends. Perhaps in another universe there could be a chance for us but definitely not in this lifetime. Honestly, I already got tired of fantasizing about the idea. It’s something that no longer excites me that much. I meet a lot of guys too and what really excites me now is the thought of meeting the one who’ll likely be someone totally different from him. Like I said, he’s not exactly my type. I’m a kind of person who’s always after fun and he’s far from being one, not that he’s not fun at all. All I’m saying is, I’d rather spend my precious time giving myself a chance to know other people. In that way I could have a better chance at love than being friendzoned. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing too because having to keep your best friend despite the worst case scenarios (such as your heart messing you over) is never a bad deal.

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