You again

It has been almost a month since I beeped you up my last message, of which you didn’t reply to. From then on, I swore to myself that it’s going to be the last time that you will ignore me. Although the itch to continue whatever we have has never left me, I never did anyway.

This is my second post about you. Aside from this, I have already written a lot of poems about you as well. I already said before that I’m getting too tired but the feelings that I have for you wouldn’t just go away, hence, the overwhelming current of words.

I have two options: move forward or confess. The first option is the easiest and the most realistic. Its results may be boring but at least I wouldn’t get hurt, in fact, it would incur no feelings at all.

Confession is not a problem but the outcome is. I think I have gone far too long in this affection that I may not be able to accept it if and when you didn’t reciprocate. It’s not that I have been asking for too much.

I tried to recall what led me into liking you this much. You are the external affairs department head of the company that sponsored an out of town trip for a group of reporters, including me, last year. On the first day you saw me, you said I look great. I valued it so much even if you tell the same thing to other girls because it’s not everyday that I’d get to meet people that would tell me randomly that I look great. Second, that night, you found out that I like Sisig, the greatest Filipino pork dish as how New York Times put it, so you ordered certain number of plates of it for everyone, of which one plate is entirely just for me. It was not unusual that a person could be that nice but from then on, I have come to like you anyway.

The feeling may be pointless since we live in entirely different worlds, personal and career wise. The channel between us may seem affable but God only knows how my messages get transmitted to another line that is you. Or maybe, I should just stop sending message and just wait to receive one since people close to me would only tell me, after all, that I deserve more than just keep sending or initiating.

I’m honestly confused. Years after my first boyfriend broke my heart my friends suggest that I open my heart to possibilities again. Almost three years since I got cheated on and I haven’t laid my eyes intensely on a certain person except this person that I very much like now. It’s just cruel that when I finally felt it, the universe couldn’t just seem to give me the gift of reciprocation as if I don’t deserve it.