Please say ‘I like you too’

The thing about liking a person is sometimes, the feeling can get a little too intense. There would be days that you just want this specific person so much but it just wouldn’t happen. I was at those days.

I really want this person, not as a diversion because I’m living a relatively boring life but because I just couldn’t get him off my mind. In fact, I don’t have a boring life. I go to office everyday to read, watch, and write news. I have sets of friends that are always on call if I want to get some coffee, drinks, or desserts after work. And I have hobbies that are extremely poles apart from each other– basketball and music jams. It’s just that, all these things, just because you are not at it, my life is just plain boring right now.

We’ve met more than a year ago in an out of town trip sponsored by the company you work for. The first time I saw you, I actually thought you were weird. It’s just that your weirdness has captured me into thousand ways I could not imagine. You have always been the person in between Aldrich (see earlier post) and my guilty pleasures. You are the person that I like now, the subject of a phantasm I keep on thinking and dreaming.

Where are you now? What are you doing?

These are the random queries I have in my head that are just meant to quickly die away into nothingness together with the passing wind and Scotch mist.

How can I like you like this?

The next question I usually ask myself afterwards. The answer is always just a cold, cold puff of air as if the question was void at the first place.

Or maybe I’m just really bored. In fact, I don’t go to office everyday anymore. I’ve just started going to this certain condemned building, covering an almost forgotten corporate regulatory agency, squeezing as much as I can from a beat that a normal reporter would only cover every once in a while daily. As much as I want to be optimistic, the rusty, aged press office I stay in by my lonesome just couldn’t haul up my mood right now.

Honestly, I’m getting tired. I don’t want to think of you anymore because anything that you do without any yield is always exhausting. It’s like I’ve been talking to no one all this time wondering when the universe will slap me and tell me to stop talking.

So liking a person… it’s supposed to be cute but not to people like me, not to someone who feels and thinks like me. For me, falling in like for a person is also falling in love minus the love. It’s always more than just the attraction. There’s no such thing as petty crush. If I like you then that means I’m dead serious about how I feel, which can also turn a little too intense once I felt a bit of mutual exchange. This is how childish I am. If I like you, I feel bad if you don’t like me back. It’s always the reciprocation that will make me happy about liking you.