Off course in a clear road

I’m losing my way. Whatever game this is, I’m on the verge of losing it. But it’s not like I’ve ever wanted to win, it’s not like I intend to sacrifice my own values to survive this, or it’s not like I have the appetite to slaughter the passion I was carrying with me before I sort of misplaced it because of what I do now.

Lately, I’ve been turning into a bad decision maker, a really bad decision maker. Now I can’t say that I’m just pure unlucky because a lot of the unfortunate events in my life are mostly the outcome of my stupid decisions.

I’m writing now because I screwed up a bit. I left my phone in the press office approximately two hours away from my home after pacing back and forth earlier, undecided whether I would go home early or not, and then when I decided to leave, I would realize that my phone isn’t with me. So that’s it and I really wish that’s just it, only that it made me kind of burst out inside because of the bad decisions I’ve been making these past few days, those that I failed to brood over.

Clearly, the only problem here is what’s going on with my head, how I’m starting to see things differently, and how I’m starting to hurt myself. I’m going off course in a clear road, an irony that has been assaulting me, shaking me and telling me that nothing is wrong, but somehow, it’s also making me feel that somewhere in this road, I really did a mistake.

madelaine miraflor