Life. How do you really deal with it? Does getting through one painful day enough? Does being able to touchdown your bed at night enough?

Days ago, I watched this movie called Gia. The movie is basically about the life of the former American supermodel Gia Marie Carangi.

It was a disturbingly honest movie. It showed how heroine, addiction, depression, and fame powerfully took over Gia’s whole existence. At the age of 26, Gia succumbed to Aids, which she got from a contaminated needle that she used for heroine shots. I can’t really describe the movie blow by blow, I know many have already written something about it. This post is mainly just about how the movie made me feel and is making me feel until now.

7 days ago, I was able to finally watch it. Even before then, I was already dead curious about the movie and how it likewise captured my friends’ attention the same way it did to me later on. It’s really funny how a movie can ruin your soul and fix it at the same time. For a moment, I wasn’t just watching the movie, I was already in it—feeling how Gia feels, seeing what Gia sees.

I do not necessarily relate to Gia. We’re different. There are a lot of things about her that I don’t get. I don’t fully get the drugs although I can see where she was coming from and somehow, I envy her for that. At that point, no one can stop her from taking drugs even the only love that she had, or even the overwhelming fame that she had, or even her mom. She was depressed and feeling so much pain so she took them. It was freedom that she believed she could seize.

I wish I could have that urge to embrace freedom above all else but I don’t. I envy her for having that kind of stubbornness to walk through the left side when everybody’s going to the right side.

You can say that it’s just drugs that made her do all the things that she did. Drugs even made her life unimaginably miserable, no one can ever justify that except her, maybe. But it’s her. The only mistake that happened in her life was when everyone thought she was strong even if she’s ready to admit she’s not.


So she cling on to heroine and she had that fantastic feeling of going so high, higher that nothing else could ever make her reach even the fame.

I think that’s just the way it is. Everyone needs an escape. Gia just got to overdo it.


That kind of escape that Gia found is what I need. I’ve always been craving to fly high. I need to loosen up. But where do I find that escape, in what form my escape would be like? Does it have to be an object? A place? A person? I hope it’s not drugs.

Life. How do you really deal with it?